God please bring me with u

Should I book for the taiwan trip on may? actually wanna book for the anniversary but i ask him he donwan. of cos nv tell him cos of anniversary. haiz.. but i badly wanna give him a surprise. will he feel happy if he not i book the trip or will he be angry cos i nv ask him? sometime i really hope the person beside me is not him.. I really really give up on this rs but i don bear to let it go.. please help me!! Why i paid for everything and i still need to scare of him? I'm really drained out!!