STOP!

I jus wanna be alone and silent.
I need to clear my mind.
Maybe we should slow down our footstep and take alook everything around us.
I'm tired.

Love Guru, You there?

Just went thru my msn chat log. I know I will get mad when I read the chat log but I can’t help but to view it. Indeed, it drives me crazy. I hate the past. I hate everything. I hate how he treats me. I hate he said he love me when he is chatting wit her. I just simply hate myself.

How badly I wish I could forget everything. Whenever I saw or heard about it I will just simply gone crazy. Am I mentally break down? I really can’t stand it. We promise each other but I just can’t get over it. What can I do? I just wanna have someone to love me, pamper, care and be a little woman beside u. this is what I want and it seen so difficult.

Is that anything to turn back the time or any drink to forget everything. I need it badly. (*.*)

Sometime I really feel like sitting down and have a good talk with him. But he refuses to talk to me, whatever thing I spoke to him, he just treat it as I’m joking or being ridiculous. I know he will just can’t be bother and will think that I still can’t get it over. YES! I really can’t forget how u treats me and I won’t forget. I don’t wanna spoilt the relationship but I just can’t stop thinking. This is why I hate myself so much.

I am happy to be with him and I love him but I just can’t get it over. The moment I think of he chat wit her, msg her, talk to her, meet her – I gone mad. I really went mad and crazy. Until now, i still don't know have he really fall in love with her, how he feel about her and many things. Thats too many things I wanna know. But no point asking him, he wont tell me the truth. Like checking hp - If he really wanna hide things away from u, obviously he will delete the msg. No point checking, but we still wanna check. if he really betray u, what u wanna do, and if you wanna forgive him then where u still wanna check his phone. Sometime, don't known is better than knowing everything. Perhaps, I need a love guru to teach me.

I don't know how to express my feeling and thoughts. But It really took me a long time and strength to buried the past.

I don't denied I hates both of them or I have totally forget how he treat me when she is in his heart. That was the days when hurts, depress, demoralize and tears become part of my life. They nv fail to visit me everynight. Mentally distress, its killing me.

Everynight I was tearful before I turn to bed.
Keep asking myself what did I done wrong.
we did so much together, went thru all the ups and downs, climbs thru every mountain.
Despite all tis, U leave me alone in the busy road and left with her without turning ur head and take alook at me.

U'r fine.
U look good.
U are contented.

I am lost. I am still at the busy road where u dump me, waiting for ur hand and waiting to melt on ur shoulder again.

Finally, U'r back but wit exchange terms. My heart once again aching.
TERMS!? why we still have to exchange term for ur returning. what its means.

But I am ok with it.
I have attempt to let go couples of time but it fails.
It so hard and since I cant forget him, I have to endure.
I accept his terms.
I accomplishes his request.

His birthday reaching.
I planned everything.
We went for celebration.
We enjoyed that night.
I tot we will be better.
I tot our loves will grow stronger.

We continues our memories path.
We went for movies.
We Had dinner together
We did everything like nothings had happened before.

The hug was so true.
The kiss was so real.
Like the dark sky has change brighter.

In fact, It was my imagination.
The truth is always hidden and the one u saw wont might be the truth.

Our story continues, so they are.
Texting, msning and calling had nv stop.
He promise to stop the contact.
But it went deaf for him.
Its raining days again.
I was so give up.

Why u wanna come back when u not ready.
Why u wanna hurt me in tis way.
Why u cant assure me our future.
Why u cant forget her.
Why u dont jus Leave me alone and start a new story with her if u both really so click.
WHY!!!

This will forever kept in my heart and as long as I'm still breathing.

I have to thanks him for all the hurt.
It make me grow stronger and independent.
I can stand up on my own.

And once again, I choose to believe him and melt into his hug again.
I believe him and myself.
=)

Down~

I am tired
Looking at where I am now and realise I had lost my direction long ago
human have to be contented but r u sure u really enough for everything; not asking for more
Every journey is a learning step
Fall down and stand up countless time
But every time I stand up I tell myself tis time I will gonna get thing done nicely and get it ur way
I give in
I give u everything
But in the end wat i get..

越来越不了解这份感情，他离我好远好远。
是时间到了吗，该放手了吗？
我恨我爱你！

Please bring me to where I'm belong...