Love Guru, You there?

Just went thru my msn chat log. I know I will get mad when I read the chat log but I can’t help but to view it. Indeed, it drives me crazy. I hate the past. I hate everything. I hate how he treats me. I hate he said he love me when he is chatting wit her. I just simply hate myself.

How badly I wish I could forget everything. Whenever I saw or heard about it I will just simply gone crazy. Am I mentally break down? I really can’t stand it. We promise each other but I just can’t get over it. What can I do? I just wanna have someone to love me, pamper, care and be a little woman beside u. this is what I want and it seen so difficult.

Is that anything to turn back the time or any drink to forget everything. I need it badly. (*.*)

Sometime I really feel like sitting down and have a good talk with him. But he refuses to talk to me, whatever thing I spoke to him, he just treat it as I’m joking or being ridiculous. I know he will just can’t be bother and will think that I still can’t get it over. YES! I really can’t forget how u treats me and I won’t forget. I don’t wanna spoilt the relationship but I just can’t stop thinking. This is why I hate myself so much.

I am happy to be with him and I love him but I just can’t get it over. The moment I think of he chat wit her, msg her, talk to her, meet her – I gone mad. I really went mad and crazy. Until now, i still don't know have he really fall in love with her, how he feel about her and many things. Thats too many things I wanna know. But no point asking him, he wont tell me the truth. Like checking hp - If he really wanna hide things away from u, obviously he will delete the msg. No point checking, but we still wanna check. if he really betray u, what u wanna do, and if you wanna forgive him then where u still wanna check his phone. Sometime, don't known is better than knowing everything. Perhaps, I need a love guru to teach me.